The -Duh- in the title comes partly from my remembering that little child in the 50s who used to fold out a bed from a sofa in some tv ad which noted: -So easy, even a child can do it!- That child, as I recall, was about twice as old as Papi's morceau.

In red silk/satin brocade and mock Manchu queue, Marcel parades past deer-horns, in their velvet stage, dried lizards, neatly spread on thin bamboo sticks, dried toads, shark's tails, smelly herbs, strangely colored liquids, and wafer-thin medicines.

-Where are the litchi nuts?-, he asks.

-You're the only litchi nut around here,- I respond.

-If I were your size, White Man, I'd give you a good ling gok (a knuckle-rap on the head), says Kid Lightning (KL).

We push against others, carving a path into our favorite Chinatown eatery, which won an award as -The Best Fake Meat Restaurant- in San Francisco, and is.

Over Oolong Tea and its Gunpowder counterpart we have a meeting of the minds. None of our usual Green Tea today; we're out for something unusual. We let the Monkey King remain on the shelf, leave the odorous orange drink alone.

-Let's make things crystal clear for my readers, okay, son?- As I gave this out-of-the-ordinary order (for recording)-which I present below for your delectation, digestion-a stranger at the next table seemed uncomfortable when I put in the tape; the restaurant provides verrrrrry close quarters for dining.

Rush Transcript:

Papi: Marcello, my readers say they don't know what to do. What should they go after?

KL: Maybe if they think of fold mountains it'll help. If they push two rugs together on the floor like we did in the living room-and watch the folds rise.

Papi: I don't understand.

KL: They can go after what sticks up.

Papi: What sticks out?

KL: Unhuh. Like Mt. Everest or The Rockies.

Papi: But some people say that what -sticks out- for them is that we need different politicians in office. That we need to, say, replace Bush.

KL: Most people I've heard you talk to about that would be all for someone like Kennedy replacing Bush, but (inaudible)-.

Papi: But what?

KL: You told me about his Vietnam. And you told me about Operation-what was that animal they brought to Hawaii? That did all that damage.

Papi: The mongoose.

KL: Oh yeah-Operation Mongoose. And Bay of Pigs. And how he made the Cuban people suffer so. Infecting the pigs and all that. (Pause) And how he had so much to do with almost having us blow the planet up.

Papi: To say zero about how he treated Marilyn. Seriously, I understand. Go on, okay?

KL: Well, how's having a guy like that replace Bush better?

Papi: Well, you know how I feel. Would anyone be better?

KL: Remember when you told me about how the year I was born the Mattel toy company decided not to release an Asian Barbie doll in their 2000 fantasy collection?

Papi: The one boasting future female American presidents? Yah, I certainly do.

KL: Maybe an Asian woman.

Papi: Any Asian female?

KL: Well, not someone like that Filipino president.

Papi: Wanna hear something funny? About 108% of Americans wouldn't vote for a Chinese woman candidate.

KL: What? Where'd you hear that?

Papi: There was this poll that found out 27% of voters wouldn't put a female in the real West Wing. So I doubled the -27- to come up with a figure for Asians-and then doubled that again to determine what the percentage would be for a Chinese Doll.

KL: Doll?

Papi: Good, Marcel. Got me.

KL: Was the real poll taken with Americans or voters?

Waitress comes by to take order

Papi: 'Cross the board 'Mericans. (To waitress) We'll have the Stuff Eggplant for him, egghead, and-for me-surprise me! Really-anything with lots of garlic. Yah. That's I Ching ordering, 'Cello. Let's stop talking about politics, and let me ask you what bothers you most about what's going on-out there.

KL: I saw a news show about how fishermen were killing these sharks for their fins, and throwing the hacked up bodies back in the ocean. Then they were interviewing that guy who wrote the Jaws picture we watched-.

Papi: Peter Benchley?

KL: I think so-. And he was saying how about 90% of so many species were gone. How so many were likely to disappear.

Papi: Really? That bothered you a lot, huh?

KL: Of course. But-then the news person jumped from that story-with them showing more video of the chopped up sharks being dumped back-to another story, and she was smiling. It was a story about how there was a good side to some shark attack on a swimmer. How the guy, the guy who'd got bitten, managed to learn something-or do something-even though he was messed up. I think they fixed him up with one of those fake legs they give the soldiers. It was just so weird, awful-her jumping from the one thing to the other. Like saying, -Here's a good shark story.-

Papi: And with no break. And smiling.

KL: Yes, that was a big part of what was wrong.

Papi: (Forcing a huge fake smile, feigning a glance at the menu) Mmm-perhaps I should have ordered the Deep Fried Bean Curd Sheet.

KL: Papi!

Papi: Let me ask you just one more thing, Marcelino.

KL: I am your obedient child, Great White Father.

Papi: Then get me one of those beautiful green Hamas hats for my next birthday, will 'ya? Let's get back to the Chinese since we're here though. (Pause) Why do you think there's so much fuss made about the Japanese Internment of WWII relative to the abominations committed against the Chinese in this country?

KL: I dunno. They were at least as bad, right?

Papi: At least. And we're headed for more-'cause-our treatment "Caucasian treatment" of the Chinese has always been tied to Sino-American relations.

KL: And-.

Papi: I expect horror around the corner on that count.

KL: Sounds like a good time to get that actress who was in Joy Luck Club into the White House, yah? The one who's on ER.

Papi: You're killin' me. If you answer the next questions the way I taught you-I'm gonna give you an A+ for this Field Trip.

KL: Shoot.

Papi: Why is Austria sometimes very slow?

KL: (Pause) 'Cause it's touched by both Slovenia and Slovakia.

Papi: Whadda 'ya say to another round of Shirley Temples?

KL: What they say in Australia. (Pause) Bottoms up! (Pause) 'Lil Boys' room.

Papi: Let's make like a shepherd and get the flock on out of here.

KL: Let's make like a tree and leaf.

Stranger at an adjacent table (as we're leaving): Say, where did you get that gorgeous costume? (Pause) What you're wearing.

KL: It's my school uniform.

Richard Oxman, info@parisgraves.com, welcomes feedback on what is a new twist for him, something he sometimes calls Crossword Cultural Politics, Anagrammatic Writing. The example above begs for the reader to fill in blanks, and it is not the author's intention to spoonfeed-even with the restaurant setting. This is a summary of sorts. And a companion piece to From: The Dept. of Homeschooling Insecurity (1), available from www.oxtogrind.org. That's home to the author's most updated, recent writing.