Yoked OXen

Special note: Here’s hoping readers will not get into this if they haven’t read the “Drakes” piece yet. Generally, from now till June 1st (not counting weekends)… we should have something new up each day.

by Richard Oxman

“We don’t need no….” — Pink Floyd

When an auto manufacturer discovers it’s sold something that’s dangerous… they’re compelled, by law, to recall the vehicle. What if our public school system had to abide by the same principle? What have we bought that’s faulty, and how should it be made right?

I’ve had a dream more than once about this. Lots of people take a stand.

“Sorry to make all of you return to P.S. 101, especially on such short notice, but something’s been brought to our attention that requires urgent correction. I particularly regret calling you elderly folks in.” Something like that from the Principal.

“First of all, the sh*t you were fed respecting the flag. Huge mistake. We’ll send you all many details via snail mail –email would be better to speed things up, if you have an address to give us– but, for now, please note not to let any offspring, any relations sign up for the military. The scorecard’s in on their shenanigans. And we highly recommend no more saluting at ball games; it’s being axed around here. We’re certainly not saying you should do anything illegal, but…if we see you removing flags here and there, I’m sure some of our staff will simply look the other way. Oh yes, and all that stuff about ‘checks and balances’ should be thrown out the window.” A VP bit.

“In addition, we think that the faith in Science and Technology we perpetuated is way out-of-date. We’re, for sure, not advocating the adoption of the Hebraic/Christian counterpart to all of that misplaced faith, but we did a lot of damage leading youngsters to believe so much in what S&T could do, while –simultaneously– playing down the damage they did, AND the inherent liabilities of both. We’re asking one and all to have –as their starting point– a rejection of S&T in trying to come up with new paradigms for possible solutions to our mutual problems.” The Dean of Students on a roll.

“Speaking of problems, I’d like to add that we encourged students to invest too much trust in people being able to arrive at sane, healthy solutions through the use of Reason. Much too much emphasis was put on logic (and all of its first cousins) as a means for resolving felt-difficulties.” From the Teacher of the Year?

“From another angle, I think the school has to take responsibility for putting academia on an unwarranted pedestal. Institutions of education cannot be reformed, as they are –in almost every case– dependent upon financial support from a System that will not allow fundamental change. It is inherently myopic and inevitably racist, while moving all students, inexorably, toward fitting into whatever production roles are called for to support mean-spirited capitalist needs, reinforcing consumer greed, and remaining intellectually…without curiosity. In particular, I’d like to elaborate on that remark I made about racism when we have time; and add a few statements about gender glitches while I’m at it.” Head of the PTA, taking quite a chance.

“The Do-Your-Own-Thing mentality has gone over the edge. Students with cell phones, SUVs, etc. have become intrustive way beyond what’s tolerable. Lack of civility was never corrected, enabling students to graduate with very selfish, shortsighted stances toward others. And we’re not talking simply about manners here, which would be bad enough. We’re talking about a severely sick sense of entitlement which has doomed the planet.” The School Nurse with furrows on her brow.

“The extreme sports syndrome off-campus is out of control; it’s a greater benefit to the military than on-campus recruiting.” The Gay Football Coach.

“The food we served thoughout the years has done a lot of damage beyond the obvious consequences related to obesity. For one, attitudes toward organic food and vegan considerations were labeled… very negatively… by sin of omission. This has had ramifications, of course, that extend far past personal health issues.” — Cafeteria Dietician

It’s at this point, I think, that I notice severe mold in back of the podium.

In my fantasy, I see this sort of thing going on…deep into the night. And, then, just before everyone turns into Rupert Pupkin [1] at the stroke of midnight, I hear the VP repeating, “We’ll send you all many details via snail mail….” At 12 on the nose, someone from the audience stands up and shouts something with great passion.

“Look, I know you’re all dying to get out of here, move on… and get some rest before tomorrow comes. But I want to say something important.” He’s got his hand gently resting on the female sitting to his left, as he continues: “A lot of you knew about all of this before you walked into these hallowed halls tonight. I know that for a fact. Just as I know you’ve been sitting on the info. And not on the sly; that’s another thing that’s been inculcated in us. We think it’s normal to be informed… without being serious instigators. Totally in the open. And when we do make a move to change things seriously, it’s invariably by putting our heads on the chopping block, following some obsolete historical model we were taught.” He makes eye contact with a few people in the audience, then heaves a deep sigh before concluding: “But it doesn’t hurt to be reminded of where our children are getting screwed up. Even though we all know that it’s a parent’s responsibility to do this and that.” Then there’s a long pause leading into his final sentence: “However, when parents have been subjected to the same influences as their kids, the same faulty premises and practices as kids themselves, there’s going to be little clarity in corrrecting one’s offspring; I’d like to see a lot more than the disgusting history textbooks go up in smoke around here.”

I can’t recall what happens in my recurring dream following that contribution. Strange; it’s foggy. But I have a vague image of a crewcut teenager driving through a frail wall in Pink Floyd P.S. 101, dressed in army camoflauge, obese beyond his years and holding a cellphone.

One thing I’m sure of is that the smirk on his face is never wiped away by his crashing through the windshield, and all of the adults fall all over themselves trying to shield him from blame when the police arrive, guns drawn. Like authoritarian parents who brook no nonsense. Parents who force their children to go to school.

I think that I read somewhere that this kind of thing signals the onset of Mad Ox Disease.

Funny footnote:

[1] The Robert De Niro lead character in Scorcese’s King of Comedy… who “transforms.” Not a pleasant pumpkin.