The Book on Barack’s Assassination

The Book on Barack’s Assassination
by Lisa Massaciuccoli

In a very quiet corner of a London pub, Freddy is giving odds for Obama’s assassination. Different odds, depending on the date chosen.

If you pick anything before the election, you’ll get about a thousand to one, but thereafter the numbers drop precipitously.

While all the talk on these shores seems to be centered on the “What if…” scenarios surrounding McCain/Palin (his age and infirmity cited ad infinitum), there are an increasing number of foreigners wagering that Biden will be our 57th Daddy… some time within the next four years.

If that seems like a far-fetched prospect, allow me to reproduce an instructive quote from Freddy: “You know, people here are very conscious of Obama having more potentially lethal enemies than any previous president. Not in terms of absolute numbers maybe, but in terms of the range of the rage against him. It’s outrageous, granted, but it’s a fact of life here. It’s because of the policies he’s slated to pursue, and how the demographics shake out.”

He showed me a list of possible assassins (in no special order, with reasons) to prove his point:

Category/ Basis

1. Racist/ Race
2. Pakistani Sympathizer/ Invasion
3. Afghani Sympathizer/ Bombing
4. Retiree/ Trauma
5. Unemployed/ Dashed Expectations
6. Vet/ Trauma
7. Vet’s Family Member/ Anger
8. Unhealthy Uninsured/ Anger
9. Clintonian Forces*/ The Audacity of Hope
10. The Usual Suspects/ ???

*I was surprised to not see Palestinian Sympathizers or Radical Environmentalists on the list in lieu of Hillary supporters, but I guess the limeys know the difference between the Real Hillary and the Saturday Night Live version.

Well, it looks like Anger and Trauma are tied with two each, though I fail to distinguish between them in the context provided.

Nevertheless, what’s important here, for me, is the point that Barack Obama does indeed seem to serve as a magnet for violence, as he promises to contribute badly to what Martin Luther King once described as the “greatest purveyor of violence on earth.”

For the crimes he is about to commit, it would be arguably better for both Obama and us if he were judged guilty of High Crimes and Misdemeanors (or the like) ahead of time… and we threw the book at him.

Lisa Massaciuccoli can be reached at