Out of the Office of Matt Gonzalez
by Oxygen (aka The Ox, aka Richard Oxman, aka Marcelle Cendrars, aka Lisa Massaciuccoli, aka O’Xman)

Special note for those with NO time: Just jump from one boldface juncture to the next below. For those who are REALLY PRESSED FOR TIME… scroll directly down to the “In no special order” segment.

“By the principles established at the Nuremberg trials, every single American President since WWII would have been hanged.” — Noam Chomsky

“After all that, I’m not even sure how the lawyers present feel about our being in violation of the Nuremberg principles… or more important issues, though I got a great collage and tasty burrito courtesy of Matt.” — The Ox speaking to someone in Chomsky’s MIT office

I am to blame for a number of things, including what’s directly below.

I should have calmly confirmed, at the very outset, the degree to which Matt, Chuck, Rod, Johnny and Nate believe that we are on an ecocidal track. And the degree to which they can’t sleep at night over our complicity in U.S. abominations overseas. And whether or not they understand how it easy it would be to totally transform the Prison System and Higher Education through the California Governor’s office unilaterally. I should have made it clear that it was going to be important to proceed VERY slowly, to move at a snail’s pace when it came to digesting each and every comment, to restrain ourselves (particularly me!) from responding like a machine gun. To discourage the slightest trace of argumentation, any movement toward one-upmanship, or even minimal hints of I know-better-than-you syndrome.

I definitely should have responded to Matt’s opening question (”Tell us who you are.”) differently. There’s a lot about me (See http://oxtogrind.org/archive/305) which would have built up credibility… if delivered in the way my life deserves. For instance, Matt went to Columbia University. Well, I went to Columbia University too. But I went — at two different stages in my life — as two different people (as in using two different names!). And if I had given the reasons for that it would have impacted positively on TOSCA’s reception. Unquestionably, the Nader-inspired One Dance: The People’s Summit http://www.counterpunch.org/mickey02102004.html would have set Matt straight about the depth of my understanding respecting campaigning, voter mindset, the depth of duplicity vis-a-vis the public, and much more. Just as my campaigns on behalf of Peltier and Saro-Wiwa — if mentioned — would have put him in a different frame of mind.

I hate playing catch-up, which is what this article is about. For two reasons. One, one can’t recapture the lost moment, unrequited exchanges. Lost opportunities are gone forever. Two, it’s excruciating to force oneself to live through moments in which I’ve not done justice to a concept which begs for unclouded consideration.

On the other hand, in retrospect… there are a few observations I made during tortured half-(3 o’clock)sleep… about what I was up against. The TOSCA-centered August 7th rendezvous, so graciously arranged by Matt Gonzalez (with a veggie burrito for me!) in a very sweet setting (his spacious, comfy office area), was a very challenging… learning experience. God, how I hate that expression!

In no special order:

1. There seemed to clearly be no sense of how things may have changed following Matt’s last run. I mean, now that Obama’s begun his descent into Disappointment… beginning to show his true colors for beginners, it’s a whole new ball game. With only 39% of eligible voters having voted statewide last time out, many of those who voted for the either of the two major parties are gettable. And the stage is set for a new appeal, with unprecedented desperation as a foundation for recruitment. [The funny thing is, I've moved on to http://oxtogrind.org/archive/358 already, dispensing with the need for any kind of voting whatsoever. Moved on, in part, as a consequence of TOSCA's relatively cold reception in the office.]

2. There seemed to be no sense of our ecocidal momentum. Virtually no response to my pointing out that the air is uninhabitable, that the groundwater is toxic, that there’s a (growing) Africa-size swirl of almost pure plastic in the Pacific. In fact, Nate, from prestigious Vasser, said that he didn’t see any connection between the oceans being destroyed and… “Iowa City.” He asked for my “sources” — which I reassured him were impeccable and plentiful — but his energy about the whole business of connecting the dots didn’t seem as if it would last long enough to learn something (that would apparently be) new for him.

3. Nothing seemed to resonate when I mentioned — granted, in passing — that the Governor could unilaterally transform that Prison System and effectively abolish the Death Penalty. And bring about Divestment.

4. There seemed to be no appreciation of the difference between Matt’s and Nader’s last campaign, a national effort with eyes on the White House, and TOSCA’s pledge to work on a zero budget statewide. I mean, no sense of what the difference would be if TOSCA’s candidate even lost, but beat one of the major parties… or even garnered more votes than, say, the Greens (or all other “third” parties combined), on a zero budget. Getting way under 10% of the voters in a national contest in which the electorate is constantly being reminded of how you’re NOT going to garner more than a very small percentage is way different than — as a total shock! — TOSCA’s candidate coming out of nowhere to achieve historic figures. Matt pointed out how he didn’t ask for any money when he campaigned against Newsom, narrowly losing. But that too is a totally different case. It was as if no one was really using their imagination sufficiently. As if there was no insight into how there would be an unprecedented spotlight for our mutual agenda.

5. Seemed to be no appreciation of what it would mean for a Governor to have her/his own media outlet.

6. Seemed to be no sense of how attractive the unique image of a dozen citizens running against typical politicians might be at this juncture in history. And there was also no reaction to speak of when I pointed out that we might very well be able to field people who could dance, sing and “play the sax better than Clinton.”

7. Idealism — as in “You’re very idealistic.” — seemed to be used as a synonym for impractical.

8. There was an inexplicable accusation of sorts that I might have voted for Kerry or Gore in the past… when I had made very clear statements (verbally and in writing) prior to the meeting… that I was aligned 1000% with what Matt stood for in both his presidential and mayoralty races. To say nothing about the fact that if any of the TOSCA literature had been read beforehand such a notion would seem… absurd.

9. I was told to not think of the people present as a group who could/might work together… after I reminded everyone that I wasn’t attached to TOSCA, and expressed a great interest in doing something together in solidarity… whatever that might be. Except for some expression of interest from Rod in getting together to make a difference… there was zilch. When I spoke of a sense of urgency eyes glazed over; I might as well have been speaking an unintelligible foreign language when I brought up emergencies (as per http://oxtogrind.org/archive/355).

10. One person present said — for all practical purposes — nothing.

11. One person made it clear that their personal life could remain detached from what went on around them. Offered that up as a kind of justification for — for want of a better word — quietism. Camus’ The Plague was cited by that person as a reason why they felt that way, but when I asked for elaboration… I was told that the book had been read “a long time ago.” As an aside, as a former Professor of Comparative Literature I would have been very interested to learn how Camus’ La Peste (misrepresented as his last novel by the person) had such an impact.

12. Matt, who made it over-the-top clear (and I do mean over-the-top) that he wasn’t interested in running for office*, also wasn’t into having his name appear as one of the “supporters” of TOSCA’s efforts/thrust. This, in spite of the fact that during the group’s blah blah he contributed a valuable insight (”Why not have your group be… a dozen instead of thirteen, so that any decision takes a majority of two?”), and had underscored at least twice the value of meeting in such groups to improve TOSCA’s agenda, etc. I mean, what on earth could be the basis for not wanting to be on our list of “supporters” if your only objection to our efforts/project is that we’re (possibly) “too idealistic”?

*One of my biggest screw-ups of the day was failing to point out that “running for office” in the context of TOSCA didn’t mean campaigning as we understand the term. Matt might have been more amenable to at least considering a run if he knew it didn’t have to involve speeches, meetings, or even very much time. It was certainly worth a try, but in spite of my having wanted to open up what I thought was going to be a private meeting with this point… it got lost in the shuffle.

13. Unexpected faith in reform politics in spite of electoral fraud being acknowledged as a very serious fact of life stunned me. Brazil’s Lulu was offered up as an example of how seeds could be planted, but although he’s a clear improvement relative to Goulart (under Kennedy) and the military dictatorships which followed, and works well within a vastly improved electoral arena, there seemed to be no sense of how Brazil’s current momentum is clearly heading for catastrophe, supporting some of the worst excesses of the West in the process. My mention of the need for institutional changes appeared to draw a blank.

There’s more, but — hey — the meeting failed because of ME, not them. It was up to me to overcome the objections, to conduct myself in such a way as to make TOSCA’s heart and soul irresistible. For she comes from a place that is Pure Humanity, deeply soulful. She lets, to quote Millay, the face of God shine through.

I dropped the ball once again. But, as Beckett says, “Fail. Fail again. Fail again better.” I say that a lot these days. You? Don’t let your failures deter you. Stay in the zone.

Matt said goodbye in a beautiful way. He let me pick one of his collages.

My gift to him now is this… and an offer to read what else the meeting inspired: “Why Don’t They Teach This at Vassar or UCSC” http://oxtogrind.org/archive/357 and “Scatting California Today (SCAT): Who Said There Are No Guarantees?” http://oxtogrind.org/archive/358, especially the latter.

Blessings in solidarity,
The Ox
tosca.2010@yahoo.com
P.S. I was happy that I opened up with saying that we home schooled Marcello, and that we wouldn’t let him near a school these days, underscoring that he was free to do whatever he liked, with virtually zero (forced) academic structure. Johnny jumped on that in a positive way, saying, among other things, that he really approved of our approach to child rearing. It was then that I should have fallen to my knees, and made everyone present feel what I feel morning, noon and night… not wanting parents less lucky than me to have to bring up their kids to the sound of threatening helicopters, explaining dismemberment, or tip-toeing around landmines. Jesus, God Almighty! Remember, I’m not what you’d call religious. Jesus, God Almighty, why can’t people want to move in solidarity over such abominations that they clearly contribute to on an ongoing basis? What ever are they doing with their heartbeats? And, please, spare me the lecture about the good deeds they’re doing. Their good deeds are my point of departure. That’s the whole point!