The Kind of Wild Dream I’m Into

NOTE: Please don’t read anything else on this archived site unless a link is recommended. Everything else is quite dated… or worse.

The Kind of Wild Dream I’m Into
Dedicated to Jake Byrd (getting this to someone we both know)
by Your Oxz

“You can’t do nothing going through the front door with a clothes line waving intensity and morality in the wind, Richard. You gotta go through the back door with a punch line… where there’s a cool breeze.”
— Mitch Hedberg lecturing the author, 2004.

Like Mitch Hedberg (upcoming death date 3/29), I’m fucking sick of following my dreams…. I’m just gonna find out where they’re going and hook up with them later.

My dreams are particularly problematic ’cause they’re all wound up with trying to help people.

I know that Oscar Wilde, my main man, once said that people trying to change the world are insufferable, but… I know he didn’t mean me. And even if he did, well, fuck Oscar. [Pause.] Nineteenth-century England did a good job of that.

I figure I’ll hook up with my dreams later, right after Spring begins (around Mitch’s anniversary), by having a HUGE LAUGH with Jimmy Kimmel and his people and his audience and the whole of California and the nation… by kicking off a singular gubernatorial campaign (zero budget, no speeches!)… whereby we make what seems like the silliest of jokes (along the lines of what Gary Coleman and Colbert tried to do in the electoral arena not too long ago) into an historic event. Make unprecedented fun — Jimmy’ll be great at that! — of the whole shebang that managed to put a Terminator into the Sacred Seat in Sacramento. Kick ass with sassing the system, but set up the potential for people to wake up and actually do something for themselves beyond investing heartbeats in self-serving politicians.

Even if we lose the election — which institutionalized electoral fraud almost guarantees — garnering more votes than all third parties ever did (combined) in the history of California would create a watershed in history. It would lay the basis for God knows what. [I'd be willing to bet my next child that I could pull that off as per the links below; particularly "Pacquiao Paradigm."]

That’s the kind of wild dream I’m into.

Not that people are likely to do anything worthwhile in solidarity. I mean, you and I both know how everyone’s so preoccupied with getting their own slice of the toxic pizza. And… even those insufferable souls who labor at well-intentioned change, well… I’ve been working 24×8 with those people for a very long time now, and directly below is my report (from the Duchess of Padua).

First Citizen: What is that word reform? What does it mean?
Second Citizen: Marry, it means leaving things as they are….

Yeah, no one’s about to patch up that hole in our Titanic.

But Oscar added a line for that Second Citizen: “I like it not.”

So… here we go… belly laughs coupled with the remote chance of creating anarchy or a revolution of sorts. Going for PURE FUN AND HYSTERICAL WHATEVER (Great for ratings and increased market share!), but keeping a little of that wanting to make a difference on the periphery of our vision. My vision. My dream.

A gamble with much greater stakes and the potential for a bigger adrenalin rush than anything Cousin Sal ever bet on. Maybe holding a note that’s higher than anything Cleto ever hit. Who knows? [Hey, Cousin Sal could be the Guv's official Bouncer and Book, and the Cletones' sounds could ring through the halls of academia daily by order of the California Regents, si, Guillermo? And/or, maybe, Cleto could call the shots at the Guv's Mandatory Monday Night Square Dance for Goverment Employees.]

Like 5 Rapid to the Gut,
Your Ricardo (831-688-8038 or

P.S. Look, why not check out “Send In the Clowns or Send Up the Clowns”, “Door to Door With or Without Guillermo”, “The Lost Comedy Party Ticket TEST”, and/or “Pacquiao Paradigm” when you get the chance to take a break from your nightmare existence? I want to have some fun with you. And I’ve got a very detailed plan which I’ve rehearsed in my head during sleep every single night for over a year. Something that — in its essence, in its original form — has been backed by the late great Howard Zinn, Gustavo Esteva (Mexico), Marie Trigona (Argentina), Devinder Sharma (India), Henry Giroux (Canada), Afshin Rattansi (Iran), Jerry Fresia (Italy), Moti Nissani (Patagonia), Binoy Kampmark (Australia), Franklin Lamb (Lebanon), Peter Tatchell (U.K.), Nirmal Ghosh (Thailand), Big Apple’s Mickey Z & my old friend Rocco from the Jersey shore.

Seriously, I want to have fun with you.