NOTE #1: This is an archived site. Nothing should be read on this very dated site unless it is recommended by The Ox. If this article gets boring, click on “Gimme Jimmy!”. Or, if you don’t like the Stones (and prefer Burma Shave signs), “Kimmel Guv Syndrome.”

NOTE #2: Jimmy Kimmel’s life is firmly ensconced in Las Vegas culture… so people intimately connected with him should be able to relate to what I have to say about the odds associated with what I am proposing. To wit, my statement below about the number of gubernatorial votes I could secure for Jimmy… well, a Nevada book might list the odds for such feat as being comparable to what you’d get if you bet the L.A. Clippers to go all the way in the NBA this year. “Longshot” is too mild a word. [Pause.] And on that note, I want the reader to know that I’m offering 2 to 1 odds that I can pull it off. For every buck you bet, I’ll put up two. You just have to help me get Jimmy to the starting gate.

With Eyes Closed and Both Hands Tied Behind Our Backs
Written with the conviction that as Governor of California Jimmy Kimmel will help the world to see that after a good dinner one can forgive anyone, even one’s own relations.
by Richard Martin Oxman, Lisa Massaciuccoli, Marcelle Cendrars (the illegitimate daughter of Blaise Cendrars) Boojum Cir and Arnold Pepper

If you google this site and “The Kind of Wild Dream I’m Into” or “Kimmel Guv Syndrome” or “Gimme Jimmy!” or “Like 5 Rapid to the Gut” or “Pacquiao Paradigm” or “The Last Comedy Party Ticket TEST” or “Door-to-Door With and Without Guillermo” or “Send in the Clowns or Send up the Clowns”… you’ll find all sorts of nooks and crannies connected with my proposal to have JK run for California’s gubernatorial seat. But people generally don’t like to read these days, or don’t have time to go through what others send them, so let me REDUCE everything I’ve written on Governor Jimmy to one angle.

IF JIMMY GARNERED A MILLION VOTES IN THE UPCOMING GUBERNATORIAL RACE AS AN UNAFFILIATED WRITE-IN CANDIDATE ON A ZERO BUDGET, HE WOULD CREATE A WATERSHED IN HISTORY.* FOR THAT WOULD BE TWICE AS MUCH AS ALL THIRD PARTIES (COMBINED) EVER ACCUMULATED IN ANY SUCH RACE IN THE HISTORY OF THE STATE. IN THE HISTORY OF ANY STATE IN THE COUNTRY, I BELIEVE. IMMEDIATE (SWEET) WORLDWIDE RIPPLES WOULD BE SET IN MOTION TOO.

*What it would mean historically requires a sit-down delineation (one hour)… and to keep to the telegraphic intention here I must forgo that fascinating blah blah. Nevertheless, I can guarantee you that ABC ratings and market share would go through the roof from April through October of this year if JK does the Guv’s dance. And I know that that would set the stage for more advances in 2011.

I CAN GET HIM A MILLION VOTES. AND I CAN DO THAT WITHOUT HIM HAVING TO CAMPAIGN ALONG TRADITIONAL LINES, WITHOUT HAVING TO CAMPAIGN WHATSOEVER, ACTUALLY. [Wow, aren't the longstanding registered parties going to have a conniption fit?]

I promised to make this short. And I will. But I want to conclude by underscoring that — with any significant effort expended in Jimmy Kimmel’s quarter, supportive heartbeats put into action — I believe that he could actually be the first legit comedian Governor in U.S. history. Not counting those other (unintentional) comedians who have served in that capacity. [Pause.] He could actually win in November.

I can prove that on paper if given an hour to spell out what I’ve come across in the electoral arena and beyond over the last fourteen months on the streets. But — just to pique curiosity — let me point out now that only 39% of the electorate came out for the last gubernatorial election. 61% stayed home… for good reason. More plan to do the same this time ’round. And that (growing) latter group really wants to have a good laugh. A reason to laugh.

We can lighten their load, and — simultaneously — do more for their pocketbooks, health and all else than the self-serving politicians. With our eyes closed and both hands tied behind our backs.

I’d just love to make a bet with Cousin Sal on the above. With everyone, actually. I could use the money to go along with the roller coaster laughs.

In haha solidarity,
Oxz
tosca.2010@yahoo.com
831-688-8038 in the Vienna Woods of Aptos, (very close to some of the most toxic shore water in) California