The Sexual Aspect of the Kimmel Campaign

NOTE: This archived site is very dated. Only the Kimmel-related articles recommended in March should be read. ALSO, THE FAMILY WILL BE TRAVELING TO THE SKUNK TRAIN NEAR FORT BRAGG FOR TWO DAYS IN MARCH… SO… RESPONSES TO COMMUNICATIONS MAY BE DELAYED. NORMALLY, I ALWAYS GET BACK WITHIN 24 HOURS. Best, Ox

The Sexual Aspect of the Kimmel Campaign
Dedicated to all those who spend too much time with wind instruments and or not enough
by

“In some deep, black, stony, and liberating way, my life, in my own eyes, began during that first year in Paris, when it was borne in on me that this laughter of wild abandon — so intimately connected to sex — is universal and never can be stilled.” — James Baldwin to the author at Small’s Paradise in the 60s [If this is too heavy, skip this piece and scroll down to the joke below.]

I asserted awhile back that the only way to confront the appeal of violence with which traditional politicians envelop themselves was to employ comedy and sex. [That goes for right, left or center gangsters.] I’ve delineated in previous posts how comedy could be employed, but — except for one passing reference to use of a Paolo Nutini song (in the spirit of Otis Redding), I haven’t touched upon the sexual aspect of my claiim.

I won’t take the heartbeats here now to explain what I mean by “appeal of violence” or how self-serving careerists in the electoral arena make use of it*. But I will gladly do so upon request.

*I know that Jimmy often jokes about enjoying violence in certain funny forms, but that’s a far cry from what I’m talking about.

For this piece, I will focus on the sensual and, more importantly for Kimmel’s entourage, how my proposed campaign stands to improve their sex lives. With regard to use of sensuality, it’s clear that everything about the campaign’s (projected) website can ooze the good stuff in an unprecedented way. [See that part of the article "Like 5 Rapid to the Gut" which makes comments connected to Paolo's No Other Way.] In addition, many of those who are embraced to come on board as members of the coalition (as per “Pacquiao Paradigm”) will ooooooooze in the flesh during every encounter with the public. I’m not talking about being charming. And I’m not talking about prostitutes running for office in Italy under obligation to Berlusconi. No, I’m talking about authentic, hard core sex appeal being bandied about very naturally — during interviews, etc. — in a beautiful way, not over the top. [For those who lack an imagination, picture Alicia Keys mentioning to a reporter, in passing, that she's really excited about being an integral part of Jimmy's historic run. Or, if that doesn't do the trick, picture her performing in some intimate venue on behalf of Kimmel & Co., as, maybe, Jimmy's Cultural Adviser. Dr. Wallace J. Nichols is pretty sexy just sitting around having coffee, and so will be others on Jimmy's 12-person ticket, the size of which will guarantee... variety (for sexual fantasies), yes?]

A visceral, vibrant slam dunk when contrasted with the unattractive political punks who exude nothing but opportunism at our expense. In fact, I’ve got one “performance” in mind which alone — which if done up the right alley — could generate a million votes from that 61% of the population who were no shows last time out.

Respecting actual sexual activity, however, any association with the gubernatorial ticket will enhance sexual vibrations between one and all… on the principle that power serves as an aphrodisiac, especially if one doesn’t look like Henry Kissinger. I shouldn’t have to elaborate on this. We all know that Arnie would never have cheated on that scarecrow he’s married to while serving the public, but is there any argument concerning the notion that his groupie quotient grew while in office? I rest my case.

Cousin Sal, Aunt Chippy, Gary, Jake, Guillermo, Cleto, Dicky, Cleto Sr., Uncle Frank et al., jump on this sex waxed up surfboard we’re going to be riding into Sacramento! Whether we’re talkin’ sex with current partners, new partners… or oneself, enhancement and options on all counts will, unquestionably, increase. Dramatically.

Like Mitch Hedberg told me long ago, if you want to rally people together and still be able to sleep at night, you’ve got to tap into something that’s addictive or something that feels really healthy. [Pause.] Well, on that note — which goes with the chord strummed by Baldwin above — I say we have both going for us with the Kimmel campaign.

Sex and laughter… all the way.

Blessings,
Ricardo (former Professor Richard Martin Oxman)
831-688-8038 in the Vienna Woods
or tosca.2010@yahoo.com

THE JOKE BELOW
:

Greek Man: What do you mean you’re the greatest? We gave the world the Parthenon!

Italian Man: And we gave the world the Coloseum.

Greek: So… how ’bout our contribution with Plato and Aristotle?

Italian: Ever hear of Dante and his Inferno?

Greek: Bah! We spread our special brand of sex to all corners of the known world!

Italian: Yes, and we introduced it to women.