by Richard Oxman

Instead of lighting two cigarettes in bed, doing his favorite imitation of Paul Henreid, Al took in The Great Bottom of The Great Matilda really well, and swelled over her like one of those full Half Moon breakers she had been talkin’ about.

Our Potential Hero had become temporarily *displaced*, courting his particular form of madness. Making no more of a fool of himself than Hamlet hesitating, or sterile farmer Quixote circling like a lunatic Hidalgo, Good Al finished with a flourish before returning to the dim lights of the living room…and a return to the Moon card discussion.

It wasn’t until the real lobster was on the table, however, that the Tarot’s decapod crustacean commanded the conversation’s spotlight: “See…it strives to attain manifestation, crawling from the abyss of water to the land,” instructed Matilda.

Just then the reports began to flow in. They knew to turn the television on from the screams outside on N Street…which interrupted…the last home-cooked dinner Al thought he’d be having for quite some time.

No matter how he played his role.

This time they ticked off in alphabetical order (for the most part), one after the other:

Cottonwood Alamo totally destroyed (with leaflets aplenty, underscoring the injunction for one and all to “Remember Fort Pillow”), several tombs in Arlington National Cemetery desecrated, along with The Tomb of the Unknowns significantly damaged (by only the second suicide bomber since 7/7), aircraft crashing into the Capitol Building ( the third suicide), the Civil Rights Memorial in Montgomery, Alabama damaged (Rosa Parks’ head absconded with), an historic church in Colonial Williamsburg brought to the ground along with the Raleigh Tavern, the 87-foot head of Chief Crazy Horse in South Dakota blown to smithereens, arson on every floor of the Empire State Building (using timed devices), one of the columns of Federal Hall (the first U.S. Capitol) brought down by a bazooka, the throats of several laborers –not personnel– working (late) at Fort Stanwix cut, a ferry sunk near Fort Ticonderoga (and something huge was detonated in the center of small town along Lake Champlain), The Old State House on Freedom Trail in the Boston area, along with Paul Revere House, the Old North Church and Bunker Hill Monument and two other historic sites were made *off-limits* forever, the 630-foot bend of steel, the tallest man-made monument in the U.S. is *bent* a bit more (by a fourth suicide’s efforts) in St. Louis (closing The Gateway to the West!), 97 Taneytown Road is dynamited, making at mark at Gettysburg, four kidnapped rich kids (toddlers from Marin County) are dropped from the Golden Gate Bridge (in bags), the 726-foot Hoover Dam is *not* dynamited, but notes indicating that that’s a future goal are found in Las Vegas –30 miles away– where a major casino takes a huge hit, Philadelphia’s Independence Hall is smeared with feces and anthrax is dispersed, a ship at Jamestown is sunk, Rudulph Evans’ 19-foot bronze statue of Jefferson is paintballed, and the rolled parchment in the hands of our American Renaissance man is made radioactive, the Kennedy Space Center is hit with a missle, elderly hikers along the Lewis and Clark Trail are sprayed with parathion (and a few near Fort Mandan are given *free* bottled water containing Oxalic acid), leaflets are dropped along the trail announcing that Meriwether Lewis commited suicide at age thirty-five, someone is beheaded at 174 Liberty Street in Concord, the Liberty Bell is cracked further, Arlington Memorial Bridge and one of the Doric columns at the Lincoln Memorial receive “deliveries” of 239Pu…and there is inhalation of windblown “dust” by many in the general area, Mesa Verde is dynamited beyond recognition, tourists are machine-gunned in Monticello (along with some security personnel), a grenade is thrown into a tour bus at Morristown, mortar shells (?) make for a makeover of four ex-presidents at Mount Rushmore, the cherished sanctuary at Mount Vernon succumbs to arson, the entrance to the National Archives are made “off-limits” forever, the Oklahoma City Memorial is hit with some intense graffiti, the memorial over the hulk of the sunken battleship in Honolulu, the “Emblem of Infamy,” is sunk, the Pentagon is hit in the exact same spot where it was hit 9/11, some tourists are macheted on their way to Pikes Peak, the columned granite enclosure at Plymouth Rock is *totaled*, the beloved home of Robert E. Lee is *totaled*, workers at the Space Center in Houston are kidnapped and buried alive, the Statue of Liberty is significantly *altered* by a suicide parachutist four male cadets from the U.S. Air Force Academy are kidnapped and raped and buried alive (and ditto for three at the U.S. Naval Academy), relatives of workers at the U.S. Space and Rocket Center are buried alive, dead pets –loved animals taken from the homes of police officers in Philadelphia– are strewn across the fields at Valley Forge, graves are dug up at Vicksburg, monuments defaced, and boulders thrown from a promontory high above the river, the Iwo Jima Memorial is hit by bazooka fire (followed by more destruction nearby, courtesy of two suicide bombers), someone visiting the Korean War Veterans Memorial is injected with contaminated (AIDS) fluids, someone is doused with kerosene and set on fire near the Vietnam Veterans Memorial, an instructor at West Point is blinded with acid, the Wright Brothers Memorial is dynamited, asbestos fibers are released near the World Trade Center Ground Zero (courtesy of the aircraft that helped the suicide parachutist to hit Miss Liberty), and at Seneca Falls…someone scrawls the words “Don’t Vote, Don’t Encourage Them” at several spots in the Women’s Rights National Historical Park.

A horrific blaze on a Mississippi houseboat seemed to dominate coverage for the moment.

“They were *fried*,” cried Matilda, lamenting the fate of the few who were caught by the fire bombs thrown from the Fort Pillow bluff, forty miles north of Memphis. “Boiled alive!”

The television anchor began to comment on threatening notes which had been sent to other *patriotic places* (”The Fifty Places Every American Should See”) like Yorktown National Cemetery when Good Al finally offered up some words in response, consoling himself piously:

“It’s a quick death, that. God help us all.”

“It is not.”

Those are the only words The Great Matilda uttered for the next thirty minutes as they returned to eating.