by Richard Oxman

> “At parties I am rarely happy,
My conversation isn’t snappy.
When I’m at home and in my bed,
I think of what I should have said.”

I’ve used this before in an article. It’s from a *New Yorker* poem of decades ago, once again (sadly) asking to be invoked.

I choked once again.

When one has an “audience” at a table…at something like “An Evening of Free Films” which was put on by well-meaning citizens in Los Gatos (Sept. 17), it’s important to say the right thing, to not miss the small windows of opportunity that open up…through which we can twitch a nerve. Swerve consciousness. Serve and quench. Recruit someone on the fence. Stimulate thought. And so on.

Missed opportunities, ah, my life is full of ‘em. And I’m *so full of it* at times; I should have at least accepted the donations that were offered. Oh those images we work with sometimes.

Following showings of Mission Accomplished, Hijacking Catastrophe and “other shorts ‘not-in-the news’” which Los Gatos Citizen Films presented last night (in an effort to “Save Our Democracy!”), I was standing at a table full of books I had brought… to give away free to attendees. My real reason for showing up at the film showing, however, was to engage people in conversation…in the hopes that I might pique their interest enough for them to continue contact in the near future. To discuss the state of our so-called *democracy*, whether or not is was salvageable. And what our options might be, if it were not.

With me. At my home, if that was their preference. Anywhere. Virtually anytime. “Pick your mode of meeting,” I told ‘em. “Via phone, letter, email…choose your weapons!” At their convenience, in a manner that might suit one and all. Dialogue ASAP…but leisurely, in-depth talk, not analysis-on-the-run, *argument for fun*, or “Isn’t it awful how we’re *done* these days.” Rather, ways to overcome the obvious. Walktalk.

The idea was to, once again, put out feelers for potential solidarity. To provide an outlet for frustrations, but to encourage back and forth on a meaningful level that might lead to something other than simply following the usual, useless paradigms for protest.

One participant to whom I gave an Iris Chang book seemed to want to read what the recent suicide/author had to say about the Chinese in America, but expressed little interest in taking advantage of my “inside story” about the writer’s death (which took place not very far from where we stood). She was in *the woods* about Iris’ demise, dismissing my invitation for a revelation about what really came down saying, “It was reported in all the papers.”

Apparently, she missed the Bill Moyers’ bit (plus) about media mendacity…which she had watched with us all for the previous three hours. It’s beyond me what tit she had been sucking on.

She uttered something ’bout Holocaust survivors’ opinions. Some generalization about fascism.

In my fog, I launched into some inappropriate blah blah about the environment, going faster than my mind could carry me, turning curves that the little group that had gathered ’round the table were, undoubtedly, unable to negotiate. As *on target* as I was in my arched cerebrum, my arrows were…outrageous, slung to a crowd incapable of more than Moyers…for the most part.

Why didn’t I simply…keep it simple? I should have asked, “Which Holocaust?”

That might have opened up a window much wider than all of my convoluted, crowbar-crocked arguments strung together. Hung The Evening out to dry.

So that we could all run away and try another day. Without being locked into the notion that getting rid of Bush would represent some great advance.

So as to blast the barred window before us AND its cement frame. To really open up a hole in their thinking *on automatic*. To stop pretending that we weren’t going to all end up chanting “Well, you wouldn’t want Bush back, would you?” when his Democratic successor screwed up, laying the groundwork for the NEXT *Bush*. The next Iraq. Crush archaic imagery.

I better be careful. The flyer that I handed out at the Los Gatos Neighborhood Center last night invited people to contact me. [1] No one will…if I’m too shrill.

But…the scorecard’s in, and people aren’t putting the numbers together. Mincing words will do as much harm right now as mincing integers in the equation *two plus two equals four*. There is an unnatural entity created when one cuts things up in such a fashion. The product is less than whole.

The whole problem can be summed up by citing Savak, the Shah’s Secret Police, highlighted so well in the Moyers flick flashed on the screen last eve. Other figures could do as well, but I think The Persian Monster, feted and fed by (Habitats for Humanity) Jimmy Carter and (huge fan) Barbara Walters at one time, holds a special vibration for me.

He’s a Good Monster to work with for our purposes here.

To wit, Prez Carter –*all that* with his anti-limousine walks down Pennsylvania Avenue and his regular guy’s sweater (a counterpart to Bush’s PR battlegear)– supported the Shah during Savak’s worst atrocities while (*all* the while) shoring up the strength of The School of Americas…housed in his own state of Georgia. The Peanut Farmer *sans pareil* from the Peach State (alias The Empire State of the South) was a murderer whilst in office…every bit as vicious as The Texan Monster. And that must be addressed before meaningful dialogue can ensue.

We can’t proceed –advance– too nicely in maniacally monstrous times. It may not be The End of History, but we’re certainly seeing The End of Linear History…with its neat *pigeonholing*, its oh-so proper spelling out.

Remember that lady who spoke about “Holocaust” survivors? Oh, what I should have said…that could have put so much to bed. Terse, straight, not like this writing.

Now…here’s where we lose a lot of people. During the din wherein worthless words are exchanged and minced about how *these numbers don’t equal those numbers*. I think you know what I’m talking about. Certainly, people who think that The Holocaust must necessarily refer to WWII Jews schmooze on that intellectual level. They’re often the same bunch of bananas who rationalize why some antiwar activists *had to allow* their own kids to hook up with the military. Ditto for those deluded about our not having to delete decorum in protesting at times. And so on.

The Last Window is closing, and before very long it will be shut tight if it isn’t already. [2] There is no time for cumulative effects to take place like there seemed to be…only a short while ago.

Let me quickly finish with the rest of the poem that opened this:

> “One time I sprang a gem of wit
In time to score a perfect hit
But what do you suppose happened?
What do you suppose occured?
Nobody listened, nobody heard.”

Two Fancy Footnotes:

[1] Below is the flyer content I distributed last night. It has my contact information. We’ll see how many follow through, contact me. I certainly hope I’m the only one who *minced* opportunities. For it won’t be long before one won’t be able to see even through an open window. All will be at odds.

FREE BOOKS…magazines…videos, etc.

My name is Richard Oxman. I’m a Los Gatos resident preparing to relocate to France next year, a father of four (ages 34 to 5), a former college professor of Theatre, Cinema History and Comparative Literature, and presently writing radical articles which blend the arts and political activism. Cultural politics. That’s a highly selective rundown, of course.

The materials here are free. Perhaps you know a library/an org. that can use several copies. However, I do NOT want to simply hand them out like obligatory flyers…only to see them dumped in short order. PLEASE only take what you think you’ll make good use of…. Many of the books are from an event my partner (Sylvie) and I put on in Santa Cruz a couple of years ago…which featured Rep. Cynthia McKinney, Michael Parenti, Wm. Blum, Stan Goff, DC’s The Center for Voting and Democracy, the Harvard Trade Union Program and many others. It was a free three-day event, and we gave away many items at that time…trying to make a difference. Sylvie and I –with no experience and less of a budget– put it together (virtually on our own) out of a sense of obligation as citizens.

Ideally, I’d like to share some of the invaluable lessons we learned being involved in that event, which was called OneDance: The People’s Summit. Mickey Z –our MC at OneDance and author of a couple of the books I’m giving away tonight– doesn’t talk to me anymore. There are many left-leaning activists who won’t have anything to do with me for a number of reasons. For one, my views are considered too radical by many.

I believe that “An Evening of Free Films” is a good starting point for many citizens who are interested in making a difference. Obligatory for most. But, as Jonathan Swift pointed out: “You can’t reason a man out of what he didn’t reason himself into.” Information is not nearly enough on at least two counts. One, the emotional aspect required to be proactively involved in making changes is usually ignored in lieu of “storing up knowledge.” Two, most individuals who come out for events such as these are quite content to use them as points of departure for…socializing. Paralysis of analysis.

To actually push for something other than cosmetic alteration, one is always faced with significant inconvenience. More than what common paradigms of protest present.

Enough. I thank you for reading this, and, again, I am honored to give you whatever I’ve brought with me tonight. For those of you who would like to follow up online on the kind of info provided at “An Evening of Free Films” –on the level that our political dilemma is addressed in the films– I advise you to check out the articles, reports, etc. at www.democracynow.org, www.counterpunch.org and www.zmag.org/weluser.htm …for starters. My writing –at www.oxtogrind.org– is likely to be a bit more unsettling.

CONTACT INFO: (408) 358-5875 at any hour or dueleft@yahoo.com; www.frenchpaintbox.com provides an apolitical personal intro of sorts. Politicized bios/articles are at http://www.selvesandothers.org/view93.html & http://www.cjonline.org/contributors.html. Whatever you do, do it ASAP, please.

[2] Global Warming ‘Past The Point Of No Return’ will give the reader a heads-up on what’s coming down…that’ll make all the frowns about Iraq and Savak moot expressions. Too soon. I’m afraid there are too many other examples to offer.

SPECIAL NOTE: George Monbiot’s A World Turned Upside Down is good supplementary reading for the above link…for anyone still involved in electoral politics, protesting against corporations, wanting to hope that change can be brought about *in time*.